I Think I'm in an Abusive Relationship – What Should I Do?

Realising that you may be in an abusive relationship can be confusing, frightening, and overwhelming. Abuse doesn't always begin with violence. It often develops gradually, making it difficult to recognise the warning signs. 

Many women question themselves, wonder if they are overreacting, or believe things will get better. If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. 

At Lily Housing, we support women across Birmingham and the West Midlands who are rebuilding their lives after domestic abuse, homelessness, trauma, and other complex challenges. If you're beginning to question your relationship, understanding the signs of abuse is an important first step. 

Abuse Isn't Always Physical 

Domestic abuse can happen in any relationship, regardless of age, background, culture, or financial situation. 

Abuse may include: 

• Emotional abuse 

• Coercive control 

• Financial abuse 

• Psychological abuse 

• Physical violence 

• Sexual abuse 

• Digital abuse 

• Stalking or harassment 

Often, several forms of abuse happen at the same time. 

Common Warning Signs 

You may be experiencing abuse if your partner: 

• Constantly criticises or belittles you. 

• Controls who you see or where you go. 

• Monitors your phone or social media. 

• Controls your money or prevents you from working. 

• Makes you feel frightened or intimidated. 

• Threatens you, your children, or your pets. 

• Blames you for their behaviour. 

• Makes you feel like you're "walking on eggshells." 

• Apologises after abusive behaviour but repeatedly does it again. 

If you recognise these behaviours, it's important to know that none of this is your fault. 

Trust Your Instincts 

Many survivors say they knew something wasn't right long before they described it as abuse. 

If you regularly feel: 

• Anxious around your partner 

• Afraid of saying the wrong thing 

• Isolated from family and friends 

• Controlled or monitored 

• Unable to make your own decisions 

it's worth speaking to someone you trust. 

You do not need to wait for abuse to become physical before asking for help. 

You Don't Have to Leave Immediately 

One of the biggest myths about domestic abuse is that leaving is simple. 

In reality, leaving can be the most dangerous time for someone experiencing abuse. 

There may be many reasons why you're not ready or able to leave, including: 

• Concern for your safety. 

• Worry about your children. 

• Financial dependence. 

• Having nowhere safe to live. 

• Fear of what your partner might do. 

• Hoping things will change. 

These feelings are understandable. 

Support services will never pressure you into making decisions before you're ready. 

Creating a Safety Plan 

If you believe you may be at risk, creating a safety plan can help you prepare if you decide to leave. 

A safety plan might include: 

• Keeping important documents together. 

• Saving emergency contact numbers. 

• Packing a small bag with essentials if it's safe to do so. 

• Identifying a trusted friend or family member. 

• Knowing where you could go in an emergency. 

• Keeping a charged mobile phone nearby where possible. 

Every situation is different, so a personalised safety plan is often the safest approach. 

How Supported Accommodation Can Help 

Leaving an abusive relationship often means rebuilding every aspect of life. 

Women's supported accommodation offers more than somewhere to stay. 

It provides: 

• Safe accommodation. 

• Trauma-informed support. 

• Emotional guidance. 

• Budgeting and financial support. 

• Help accessing healthcare. 

• Support with housing applications. 

• Independent living skills. 

• Assistance with education or employment. 

Having a safe environment allows women to focus on recovery without fear. 

Looking After Your Emotional Wellbeing 

Recovering from abuse takes time. 

Some women experience: 

• Anxiety. 

• Depression. 

• Difficulty trusting others. 

• Low confidence. 

• Sleep problems. 

• Feelings of guilt or shame. 

These are common responses to trauma. 

With the right support, healing is possible. 

Remember: Abuse Is Never Your Fault 

One of the most damaging effects of abuse is that survivors often blame themselves. 

You may have been told that you caused arguments, that you're "too sensitive," or that nobody else would understand. 

These are common tactics used by people who abuse and control others. 

You deserve to be treated with kindness, dignity, and respect. 

Frequently Asked Questions 

How do I know if I'm in an abusive relationship? 

If you feel frightened, controlled, isolated, intimidated, or constantly blamed by your partner, these may be signs of domestic abuse. Abuse is not always physical and can include emotional, financial, psychological, or coercive control. 

What should I do if I think I'm experiencing domestic abuse? 

Speak to someone you trust or contact a domestic abuse support service when it is safe to do so. You do not have to face the situation alone. 

Can supported accommodation help me leave an abusive relationship? 

Yes. Women's supported accommodation provides safe housing alongside emotional support, practical guidance, and help rebuilding independence after domestic abuse. 

What support is available for women in Birmingham? 

Women across Birmingham and the West Midlands can access domestic abuse services, supported accommodation, trauma-informed support, counselling, advocacy, and practical life skills support through organisations such as Lily Housing and local partner agencies. 

There Is Hope 

Recognising abuse can be the hardest part of the journey, but it can also be the beginning of a safer future. 

At Lily Housing, we know that every woman's situation is unique. There is no judgement, no pressure, and no expectation that you have all the answers today. 

Our role is to provide safe accommodation, compassionate support, and practical guidance to help women rebuild their lives at their own pace. 

If you think you may be experiencing domestic abuse, remember this: you deserve to feel safe, respected, and in control of your own life. Help is available, and you do not have to face this journey alone.