How to Support Someone Experiencing Domestic Abuse: A Guide for Friends and Family

Watching someone you care about experience domestic abuse can be heartbreaking. You may feel helpless, frustrated, or unsure what to say. 

Many people want to help but worry about saying the wrong thing or making the situation worse. 

The most important thing to remember is that your support can make a real difference. A kind conversation, a listening ear, or helping someone access professional support can be the first step towards a safer future. 

At Lily Housing, we support women across Birmingham and the West Midlands who are rebuilding their lives after domestic abuse, homelessness, trauma, and other complex challenges. We know that recovery often begins with one person saying,

"I'm here for you." 

Domestic Abuse Isn't Always Easy to See 

Domestic abuse isn't limited to physical violence. 

Someone may be experiencing: 

• Emotional abuse. 

• Coercive control. 

• Financial abuse. 

• Psychological abuse. 

• Digital abuse. 

• Sexual abuse. 

• Stalking or harassment. 

Many women work hard to hide what they are experiencing because they feel ashamed, frightened, or worried they won't be believed. 

Signs That Someone May Need Help 

Every situation is different, but you may notice changes such as: 

• Becoming withdrawn from family and friends. 

• Frequently cancelling plans. 

• Appearing anxious around their partner. 

• Having unexplained injuries. 

• Losing confidence. 

• Suddenly struggling financially. 

• Constantly checking in with their partner. 

• Appearing frightened to make decisions. 

• Being isolated from people they were once close to. 

One sign alone doesn't necessarily mean someone is experiencing abuse, but a pattern of concerning changes may indicate they need support. 

Start with Listening 

If someone chooses to open up to you, try to listen without interrupting or judging. 

You don't need to have all the answers. 

Simple responses such as: 

• "I'm glad you told me." 

• "I'm sorry this is happening to you." 

• "I believe you." 

• "You don't deserve this." 

• "I'm here to support you." 

can be incredibly powerful. 

Feeling believed is often the first step towards recovery. 

Avoid Judging Their Decisions 

One of the most common questions people ask is: 

"Why don't they just leave?" 

The answer is rarely simple. 

Someone may stay because of: 

• Fear for their safety. 

• Concern for their children. 

• Financial dependence. 

• Emotional attachment. 

• Isolation. 

• Lack of safe accommodation. 

• Hope that things will improve. 

Leaving an abusive relationship is often a process rather than a single event. 

Try to support their choices while encouraging them to seek specialist advice when it is safe to do so. 

Encourage Professional Support 

While friends and family play an important role, specialist services can provide practical guidance and safety planning. 

Depending on someone's circumstances, support may include: 

• Safe accommodation. 

• Domestic abuse advocacy. 

• Housing advice. 

• Emotional support. 

• Financial guidance. 

• Trauma-informed care. 

• Help rebuilding confidence and independence. 

Professional support can help women make informed decisions at their own pace. 

What Not to Do 

Although your intentions may be good, try to avoid: 

• Pressuring someone to leave immediately. 

• Speaking negatively about their decisions. 

• Contacting the abusive person yourself. 

• Sharing their situation without permission (unless there is an immediate safeguarding concern). 

• Promising absolute secrecy if you believe someone is at immediate risk of serious harm. 

Instead, focus on creating a safe and supportive environment where they feel able to talk. 

Looking After Yourself 

Supporting someone through domestic abuse can be emotionally difficult. 

Remember to: 

• Seek advice if you're unsure how to help. 

• Maintain your own wellbeing. 

• Accept that you cannot solve everything on your own. 

• Be patient. 

Supporting someone is important, but so is looking after yourself. 

Frequently Asked Questions 

How can I help someone experiencing domestic abuse? 

• Listen without judgement, believe what they tell you, avoid pressuring them to make immediate decisions, and encourage them to access specialist support when it is safe to do so. 

What should I say to someone in an abusive relationship? 

• Simple, supportive statements such as "I believe you," "This isn't your fault," and "I'm here for you" can help someone feel heard and supported. 

Why doesn't someone just leave? 

• There are many reasons, including fear, financial dependence, concern for children, isolation, and the increased risks that can arise when leaving. Every situation is different. 

Can supported accommodation help survivors of domestic abuse? 

• Yes. Women's supported accommodation provides a safe place to stay while offering practical support, trauma-informed care, and guidance towards independent living. 

What support is available for women in Birmingham? 

• Women across Birmingham and the West Midlands can access supported accommodation, domestic abuse services, trauma-informed support, safeguarding services, housing advice, and recovery programmes through organisations such as Lily Housing and local partner agencies. 

Supporting Someone Could Change Their Future 

If someone has trusted you enough to share their experiences, your response matters. 

You don't need to have all the answers. You don't need to fix everything. 

Listening, believing them, and helping them connect with the right support can make an enormous difference. 

At Lily Housing, we believe every woman deserves to feel safe, respected, and supported. Through our women-only supported accommodation and trauma-informed approach, we help women across Birmingham and the West Midlands rebuild their confidence, regain their independence, and create brighter futures. 

Sometimes, the first step towards recovery begins with one compassionate conversation.